这本书中比较感觉出格的就是费曼在私生活上的放纵，比如他在脱衣舞酒吧考虑学问，和人打架斗狠等。这几天看了万精油网友的一些评论，俺大约对此事有更进一步的了解。费曼其实相当重感情。第一任太太去世后很久他都保持独身。16 个月后，他给她写了一封情书，封存到他去世才打开。这封信真的是感人肺腑，不忍卒读。
“单读这封信还不能完全体会这里面的感情，最好把他与他太太的许多别的信一起读。费曼的女儿编辑了一本费曼通信集，收集了这些信。他常给他太太写信。从他太太那里回来的火车上就开始写。一次与太太吵架，回来后写到： Dear Darlene, I have a problem that I cannot solve. You see, my wife and I ...”
“那个通信集里还有一封费曼写给美国科学院的信，要求退当院士。他说院士就是一帮学者自己表扬自己了不起。院士也没有什么责任，每年的任务就是评选谁可以加入这个“了不起”的群体。因为只有“最好”的人才可以加入，推论就是那些已经在里面的一定更好。赤裸裸的自我表扬。”
Below is the letter:
October 17, 1946D’Arline,I adore you, sweetheart.I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures.When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.My darling wife, I do adore you.I love my wife. My wife is dead.Rich.PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.
http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/02/i-love-my-wife-my-wife-is-dead.html
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